Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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