i want to swaddle you in tequila
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
