great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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