My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
