It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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