just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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