All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
