She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
