Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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