just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
