chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
