also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
