I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
