True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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