dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
