How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love you. Go after that dick
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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