why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
