All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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