Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
