i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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