You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
