Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Michael Bay diarrhea
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize