Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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