My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
