I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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