Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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