I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize