So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
