I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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