they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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