he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize