saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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