so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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