I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
