Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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