Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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