One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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