Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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