This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dear god my vagina.
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