i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
