neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
