then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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