he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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