Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
