Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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