I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
