Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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