One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
