Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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