i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
