I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
