he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
