everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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