I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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