you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
