It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
