She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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