Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
