saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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