Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
