Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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