I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
