just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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