Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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