very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
