Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize