Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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