i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
