i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
