too bad you live with your parents still
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize