Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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