Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
