ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i would punch a child for taco bell
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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