You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
