I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
operation have a gay friend backfired
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Who died my cat blue again?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
