your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
