You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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