oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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