my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and she was petting her beer can
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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