watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
