Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
