Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
