Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
