In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
