The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
