its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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