I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
