In the future we'll all be gay
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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