He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
