hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
