I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
