TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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