Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
