i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
