My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
