I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
