Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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