i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
